CALVERT COUNTY, Md. – In a time where most children are involved in some kind of local sports team with the end goal of one day becoming the best at their sport, sometimes as they get older the stress can be brought on by some forms of parenting that make it harder to separate the sport from the child.
This form of “toxic parenting” in which a parent may only be looking at the bigger picture the sport may play into these young minds’ lives rather than the effects of each sport and the treatment thereafter.
Ashly Colicchio, a once Calvert County athlete, has now moved on from sports and is now using her first-hand experience to help teach children and their families that positive reassurance is the way to go and can bring these young athletes to a level they wouldn’t be able to reach without the reassurances.
Colicchio states, “‘Toxic Parenting’ is a controversial yet important topic in youth sports right now. However, as someone who grew up with one of these ‘toxic parents’ and now works in youth sports full time, there is one key that I think is lost by using that phrase. It’s not that the parent necessarily is a toxic person, but that the style of communication they’re using during sporting events is toxic.”
Sporting events of any type are bound to raise some reactions but it’s the magnitude of your reaction that may start a bad habit in these kinds of circumstances. Colicchio states from her experience, “When I helped coach a girl’s recreational softball team for ages 4-10, I witnessed a parent yell at their very skilled athlete who played for multiple teams, versus a parent who was grateful her daughter wanted to try a sport and praised her for every little victory.” She continues, “The girl with the supportive parent improved more than any athlete I coached over those two seasons.”
Solutions to this issue, while they seem easy and common courtesy, are still important to remember the gravity of most of these sporting ‘toxic situations’. Colicchio states, “Contrary to popular belief, you will not make your kids ‘soft’ by giving them positive reinforcement when it’s deserved. But, it will help build their self-esteem.” She continues, “Participation trophies at the age of 5 are not going to make them entitled. Think about it, do you even remember the trophy you were given when you were 5? It’s just easier to blame a trophy than to look at themselves as a possible problem.”
Colicchio also states how it is important to set realistic life expectations for your children and to remember that a flag football game or baseball game for a younger child will not dictate their future moves, a loss won’t contribute to a loss of a scholarship. She reminds parents that, “Fewer than 2% of students will receive any type of athletic scholarship, and fewer than 1% will receive a full-ride scholarship.” She continues, “The expectation needs to be set that no matter how hard you push as a parent, they may not end up with any scholarship. Instead of pushing them into a scholarship, you may end up pushing them away from you, and the sport they love.”
So next time you’re in the crowd watching your children play their respective sport, keep in mind the effect your reactions may have on your children as they get older.
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